I wanted healthy relationships after noticing patterns of behaviour hindering me. As this was my first time seeking therapy, I found talking to someone who understood the reason behind my behavioural patterns that did not make me feel judged but instead made me less critical of myself and more accepting. They also offered me a fresh and wider perspective that at the time, I could not see for myself. 

My relational issues were impacting my life a lot. It was consuming around 70% of my daily thoughts, and being traumatised, I could not see this at the time. It resulted in the end of the only relationship where I had felt seen and as someone who felt isolated this was extremely upsetting and hard to accept. I resided to the fact that I would just stay on my own as it was easier, and there was less chance of being in the same scenarios of sabotage or anxiety.

Now I possess a deeper understanding of my behaviour around relationships and what my triggers are. I have since been in my first healthy relationship which amicably ended after 6 months due to different future goals, but I am all the better for it and I am able to look back fondly on the memories shared and lessons I learnt which I have never been able to do before. Before, they used to end in resentment, anger or pain. I did not think I would ever be able to even have another relationship when I first started therapy. I still struggle with communication but have made huge steps towards conveying my feelings in romantic relationships and with my family which has had a positive effect not only with me but with those around me. I feel more confident that I can navigate a romantic relationship with more openness, communication and an idea of what is important to me. I had always been quick to anger and struggled with patience and while this has not completely gone, I now have a calmer energy and more empathy to those around me, I am less affected by their negative actions and have a different perspective than I used to.